5 Mentoring Mistakes I’ve Made
They are to teach what is good. Titus 2:3b
Thank God that He teaches us through the mistakes we make. I have made my fair share of them in relationships, whether mentoring or with friends.
In mentoring, many women come wanting to grow in faith or knowledge of Biblical truth. Others come with more immediate problems they would like to solve.
Friendships between women are often lived out in words. We want to be face to face with each other and talk until we are done or out of time.
Although in both cases I try to listen and respond in a sensitive and Godly way, there are times when that just doesn’t happen.
Following are five mistakes I’ve made. I pray you can avoid them:
1. I responded too soon. This means I tried to give a response to a situation because, in my pride, I was sure of what the other woman was going to say. I was trying to fix a problem I didn’t completely understand.
Hearing the whole story may take more time but it will also be more fruitful for the mentee (or friend) if we fully understand what is happening with her.
2. I went in cocky, thinking “I” knew how to fix her problem. In reality “my” wisdom will not help like the wisdom of God. When I go in thinking I have the answer, it is difficult to listen to the Holy Spirit’s promptings.
A more humble reliance on God and His Word serves our mentee or friends better than our prideful answers.
3. I waited too long to point out sin. In my compassion for someone’s circumstances I thought it would be harsh to point out sin early in our mentoring relationship. Pretending that her sin didn’t matter as much as her pain, ultimately led to more pain.
Sin, permitted to go unchecked, leads to greater sin or greater consequences.
4. Once, right after a painful confession, a mentee had to move. In my mind, if she wanted to continue the relationship, she would contact me. So, I never followed up with her, a lapse I regret. She was in an emotionally weak state and I was expecting confident behavior. I should have called her.
For a woman to feel cared about the more mature Christian needs to make the first move.
5. Though I have gotten better at this, I used to hate silence during a conversation. I would fill in the gaps, wanting to keep things moving.
Sometimes, more real progress is made when silence allows, or forces, the other person to speak.
“Hindsight is twenty-twenty.” Mentoring, like all other new things we do, has a learning curve. But, if we never make mistakes, it means we have never tried to come along side someone in need. The women I have mentored have been gracious and forgiving, for which I am grateful.
I am also grateful that through continuing to do the work, asking God to show me when I make errors, and the wisdom of those I have mentored (as some were willing to tell me about my errors), I have learned and grown by God’s grace.
Will you risk making a few mistakes for the benefit of a sister (or friend) in the Lord?
We all make mistakes. We can find comfort in knowing God is with us and He will help us move forward..
So true Melissa. Thanks for reading and commenting.
I’m beginning to mentor my younger sister, and am fearful of making mistakes. I have pondered some of these exact issues and thank you giving me more confidence
and being my mentor.i covet you prayers.
Ginger C. from FCC
Ginger, Your comment is very encouraging to me. I applaud you that you went ahead in spite of your fears (2 Tim. 1:7). I pray now that the Lord will bring fruit in your sister’s life because of your efforts. If you haven’t read my book, I hope you will. I think it will be helpful. Also, do you get “Mentoring Minute” (my little weekly encouragement for mentors) in your inbox (sign up on the website) or see it on Facebook?
Thanks for your comment. May the Lord bless the work you are doing for Him!
Hey, friend, I’ve not witnessed your mistakes! It’s news to me! But sharing your experience in the BEST way to mentor is so helpful! Really good advice. Thanks.
Audrey, These are kind words and very meaningful coming from you!
Watching and listening to you has grown my faith by leaps and bounds!
I’ve made some of these same mistakes. Good to see them listed as a reminder to me. Thank you!
This was a great read. I think mentoring is so important. We all make mistakes. Here’s to strong, Christian, solid and accountable relationships!
It was good for me to list them, too, Ava. The Lord keeps us humble through this kind of self-examination!
Thanks, Jessica. I agree, mentoring IS important!
Great thoughts! Even in working with clients, these are challenges I always have to mindful of, in order to facilitate safety, healing, understanding, and growth. Blessings today!
It is true for us whether professionally or in discipling in the church to be mindful of these things you mention. I often pray for the Lord to protect the women He brings to me from my errors! He is good.
Thanks for the great advice Sister!!
This blog was so good and so timely! I just recently started mentoring women through the recovery process again, after taking a break to focus on areas I needed healing in. I really loved your point about God being the true source of wisdom, as it took me a while to start mentoring again because I feared my own inadequacy. I think too few Christians mentor these days, though it is commanded throughout Scripture, even during our Lord’s final words on earth! Thank you for this well-, written informative blog!
Thanks Candice! Mentoring is my passion. I agree that too few are willing but it brings such blessing in the privilege of watching God work in another woman’s life. You might like “Mentoring Minute” that I write once a week. It is a short (250 – 350 words) encouragement regarding mentoring. You can sign up to receive it on my website. https://www.bethbingaman.com They are also shared on Facebook and Twitter so you might see them anyway.
Thanks for the encouragement!
Glad you thought it was helpful Stephen!
Beth, I appreciate your wisdom here. Each of your points reveal your wisdom learned and a beautiful humility, which I believe is an essential piece of any mentoring relationship.
Thanks Jeanne, It is only by the grace of God that I can even see these. I am always grateful for His convictions, though they do sting a little.
I have never been in a mentoring relationship but I have had those same issues when just helping a friend and did not even realize the problem. Thanks and I will try to do better in the future with God’s help
Beth, this is so good! First, I want to say we often focus on the Proverbs 31 woman who is really symbolic and not a real woman, only someone with attributes we all strive to attain. So we often miss the Titus 2 woman and how we are supposed to mentor and help other women in the ways of God. Yet, you bring out such great points here in what NOT to do. I’ve made every one of these mistakes in mentoring other women. Thank you for these reminders to be on guard for in the future!
Yvonne, I think it’s time for a mentoring relationship. You have both knowledge and experience that could help a younger woman.
With God’s help, you will do well!
Thanks Karen, I am glad you found it helpful! May Christ be praised in all the work we do for Him!