A “Friend”ly Question
Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him–a threefold cord is not quickly broken.
Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
“It is not good for man to be alone.” God said this and He then made woman as a helpmate so we usually think of this statement as relating to marriage. But, the truth is that all mankind was not made to be alone. We were made in the image of our Triune God. The need for fellowship has been in our makeup since we were created.
Most of us have heard that if we want a good friend we have to be a good friend. What does that look like? Is there a biblical standard for friendship? The answer is yes. There are many verses in scripture but let’s look at just three principles.
Friendship is based on a sustained love and loyalty. Proverbs 17:17 says, “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.” “At all times” a friend will be there with her love through the good and bad of life, illness and health, mourning and rejoicing. She will not run away when the wind blows against you. She will be the one to keep you warm when the cold comes.
Friendship is based on truth and transparency. Proverbs 27:6 says, “Faithful are the wounds of a friend.” A real friend will speak the Truth to us in order to protect our relationship with the Lord as well as our relationship with each other. It is out of love for a friend and a fear of the Lord that we want our friendships to be open and honest. Jesus, when He walked on earth, spent time with the people closest to Him. He revealed the truth to them as He knew they were ready for it. Jesus told His disciples that He had to die, that He would be mocked, flogged, and crucified (Matthew 20:19) . As He openly allowed those closest to Him to know the truth about Himself, so should we be transparent with those we call friend.
Friendship is based on unity of the heart and mind. A Christian’s best friends should be a Christian. This is not to say that we should not have non-Christian friends, we should. The truth about the people closest to us is that they will have an influence on our lives. They can be agents of restoration or agents of ruin. A Christian friend will want for us what God wants. They have understanding of the Truth and they have access to the truth. Proverbs 12:26 says, “One who is righteous is a guide to his neighbor, but the way of the wicked leads them astray.”
The challenge I found in these principles was to look at what kind of friend would I be? Do I show love all the time to my friends? Am I loyal to them, protecting their reputations if someone else says something negative about them? Will I tell the truth to a friend who needs to hear it? Perhaps more importantly, will I receive the truth from a friend when I need to hear it? Am I good, Christian influence on my friends – or would they not even know I love the Lord based on our relationship?
One of the greatest enemies of friendship is fear. Many of us have been hurt by others so we fear growing close or being transparent with someone new. We often fear the responses of other people so we fail to defend a friend when their name is maligned or they are the subject of gossip. Perhaps there are people living in utter loneliness because their fear of rejection keeps them from approaching someone to start a friendship. Or, we are in friendships that never grow because we fear discussing the important things of life, truth is not spoken for fear of ridicule.
If we want to be good friends in order to have good friends we will need to value each person, encourage them in the Lord, and be willing to give up our pride to make the first moves to deepen the friendships we have.
So here’s a serious question. Based on these principles, would you be your friend?
Like this! “The challenge I found in these principles was to look at what kind of friend would I be?” I find, that when asked the “What does friendship mean to you?” question, we focus on what we expect of others and rarely are we describing ourselves. Jesus was immensely popular by those who wanted to benefit, but abandon Him when He spoke the truth. Even those few friends who were closest to Him, let Him down in His most desperate hour and kept their distance. The Son of God was not only fully human, He knew ahead of time the betrayal they would inflict and yet… He loved them anyway! When we are feeling alone or betrayed we must run to our Comforter, of course, but let’s go further and model His selfless compassion and reach out to others who need a “friend” as you so well described in your post. If we truly wish to be His disciples, we must pray for the love, humility, forgiveness, and boldness we need to model after the One who loved US anyway. It isn’t something we come by naturally. ” By THIS all men will know that you are My disciples, IF you have love for one another.” John 13:35 Thanks again Beth! Sometimes my head hurts for all the thoughts your posts bring … but in a good way. God bless you, girl.