Buddy Bench

 

Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. Ephesians 4:32

 

The Mom I was talking to was telling me about how she’s  teaching her children to be kind. As an example, she said she tells her children that if someone in their class is sitting on the “Buddy Bench,” she wants them to go to that child.

“The Buddy Bench?” I asked.

She explained that there is a bench in each of her children’s classrooms at school. If a child is feeling left out or alone, he/she is to go to the bench and sit there until someone comes to them to play (or otherwise include them in what is going on).

It sounded sweet and wrong at the same time.

I get that the school is trying to acknowledge a child left out by the other children. It raises three questions:

1. What does it teach those children who are not left out? The “Buddy Bench” rules out teaching our children to be aware of their surroundings, to notice other children and consider them more important than themselves. With it in the room, a child need not have any concern for the children around them. If they want to play, this assumes they will let you know.
2. What about the shame of the child left out? I don’t think that the human psyche has changed since I was young. How hard it is to be the one left out? It would feel like we had a sign around our necks that says, “I have no friends.” Humiliation is not a way to encourage interaction.
3. What does it teach the one left out? Passivity. Why not teach that child to go and ask to join a group, to be proactive, rather than leaving their loneliness up to someone else to fix? They need to practice speaking for themselves when necessary. Let’s teach them to look for a group doing something they want to do and ask to join them.

Teaching kindness to children is an especially important task for a parent. Kindness glorifies  God. They also need to engage with the world around them.  If we choose to have them in public school, it appears they will face the Buddy Bench.

If your child sees someone on the bench, remember: Jesus said, “Then he will answer them, saying, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did not do it to one of the least of these, you did not do it to me (Matthew 25:45).’”

If no one ever sits on the bench, we still have a lot to teach our children. As adults, not many of the “least of these” are going to be sitting all alone making a statement about their needs. (I realize this may happen with people who beg on the streets). Our children are going to need to be able to look at a person and “read” their circumstances, countenance and body language.

Empathy, compassion, grace, and kindness need to be shown because we see a need, not just because the person has come asking for it.

How are we teaching the next generation to “read” other people?