Considerations for Caregivers

But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. 1 Timothy 5:8

The world says we have nursing homes for our elderly parents.  Even Christian women may experience some guilt over leaving a ministry position to care for an elderly parent so they can live at home.  Yet children, grandchildren, and aging parents unable to care for themselves need help and 1 Timothy 5:8 seems to say the primary responsibility for them lies with the family.

Generally, we in the Christian community accept the responsibility we have for our children. We give birth to them and they live with us. Aging, infirm parents can be a different matter. We do not, and usually have not, lived with them for a number of years when they get ill. We have established lives and frequently so do our children.

Placing Mom or Dad in a nursing home can be a very hard call. We’ve all heard from people who work in nursing homes who say you never want to place a parent in one or go there yourself. How encouraging!

As women, we are usually the primary care-givers, both for our children at home and our parents if they come to live with us. (The “sandwich generation” aptly describes being caught between caring for the generation before and the generation after.) How do we prioritize? Who should get the most attention? Does a parent have to come live with us? Is it even possible to take care of every ailing elderly person at home without outside help – which can be expensive besides?

When I worked in the hospital as a discharge planner I remember many cases of people whose care was too complicated or physically difficult to manage by one married couple. Sadly, at that time insurance was more likely to cover inpatient treatment at an extended care facility than it was to provide help for home.

Finances have to be considered but so does our verse that says if we do not provide for them we are worse than an unbeliever. Does this “provide” mean financially or with hands-on care?

In 1 Timothy Paul was countering Pharisaical teaching that a gift at the altar was more acceptable to God than helping a poor parent in need. Without family money to care for her, a widow would become the financial burden of the church. Paul was instructing that this widow was the family’s responsibility before she was the church’s.

So, interpret this today.  What is the responsibility of the family? Is it to provide for the aging parents whenever possible?  Yes. Does it mean you can’t ask for help or must completely give up other responsibilities? No.

The key word is discernment. Look at all the possibilities.  Consider everyone involved.

There are many resources to help people stay at home longer. Insurance companies have recognized that it’s cheaper. Explore the options and the cost (because there is still cost).

Try to imagine how it will affect the children and grandchildren ( a little discomfort for others in the family is not a bad thing). How good is our own health? Are we able to physically do what’s required? What are the motives behind the decisions? Are we being selfish or kind? What does the elderly parent want? Maybe living with us is not their idea of good time!

Consider, too, yourself as the caregiver. Stay healthy! If the caregiver breaks down the needs grow exponentially.

Ultimately, each family has to make the decisions with prayer and wise counsel. Sometimes we are so close to a situation that we cannot see all that we need to consider. Seek and be willing to accept help.

If someone you know is taking care of an ailing parent please do whatever you can to help. Consider that, by adoption, we are all brothers and sisters in Christ.  We may not be in the same household, but we are family.