Exposing Deeds of Darkness

 

Do not desire her beauty in your heart, and do not let her capture you with her eyelashes; for the price of a prostitute is only a loaf of bread, but a married woman hunts down a precious life. Can a man carry fire next to his chest and his clothes not    be burned? Proverbs 6:25-27

 

Warning: If you are single and you are dating a man who is addicted to pornography: DO NOT MARRY HIM!! I really don’t care what excuse he gives you or who he blames. It is an addiction that will ruin your family.

Pleading: If you are any woman who knows a single woman dating a man who cannot part with his phone, hides what he does on the computer, and insists that texting with other women is not a problem for him (but neither does he reveal what these texts say), advise her to run as fast as she can from such a man.

Fact:  Marriage does not fix a pornography problem. It spreads the hurt and shame to the wife and eventually pain to the children.

I would like to wage a campaign against it. I would like every young man – sadly, even young boys – to understand the devastating effect it will have on his wife. It is betrayal of the worst kind. Though she was usually not even around when the problem started she feels responsible, as if she is not enough. She understands her husband’s shame, she is also ashamed, and so doesn’t like to talk about it. Sometimes, she is so quiet he rises to leadership positions in the church.

Things left in the dark are the hardest things to fight. When you get a bat in the house in summertime, you are not going to win that fight without the lights on.  Unless you turn over the rock, you cannot deal with all the creepy crawlies that live underneath it.  If you’ve ever played Capture the Flag you know that darkness makes it easier to sneak around.

Fighting with evil is the same way.  It needs to have the light of the Word of God aimed right at it. When evil is exposed it can be dealt with. With pornography, a man can be brought out of hiding and into a place where he can deal with it. He must allow Christ to shine in his life. Yes, there may be shame in being exposed, but there will be no healing without light — and the Light.

None of us can see ourselves in a mirror without light.  Often, we don’t like what we see.  At the risk of beating this “light” analogy to death, unless pornography addiction is exposed and our men are forced (shamed) into looking into that mirror, we are going to continue to see marriages and families destroyed by this evil of pornography.

Ephesians 5:11-14 says, “Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them. For it is shameful even to speak of the things that they do in secret. But when anything is exposed by the light, it becomes visible, for anything that becomes visible is light. Therefore it says, ’Awake, O sleeper, and arise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you.’”

A porn addict hides his phone, his computer, sometimes he hides where he is going and how much money he is spending. He keeps a lot in the dark. In love for him we need to expose it if we can — first quietly to him but later to others who can bring more help.

Though I agree that a wife needs to speak respectfully of and to her husband and she needs to honor him any way she can, I also know that if this problem remains hidden, it will grow like mold in the darkness, until it is making those who will be exposed to it sick. There is nothing loving about leaving a man in his sin, especially the man who will be making a lasting impression on his children.

Bad behavior without bad consequences usually results in no change. Going to a counselor to parrot what the counselor wants and to do what they want is a waste of time and money. Imposing an accountability partner who “checks in” is unlikely to bring results, either. The key here is that the addict has to want to change.  His desire must be for reform.

Christians need to begin to educate boys that this is a terrible problem that will devastate future family. Pornography promises happiness, excitement, and fun but delivers loneliness, pain, and death.

Women, heed the warning, hear my plea.

Men, heed the warning, hear my plea.

Church leaders, heed the warning, hear my plea.  Your church, The Church, needs to step up and be a part of the fight against this growing menace.