Glad Husbands

He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the LORD.  Proverbs 18:22

Every once in a while someone posts something on Facebook that is worth considering.  This is the comment on the wall of a friend today: Let the wife make the husband glad to come home, and let him make her sorry to see him leave.  — Martin Luther.  As we could guess with Martin Luther, this is Biblical thinking.

The Bible has a lot to say about how husbands should treat their wives and how wives should love their husbands.  It’s another one of those areas of life that if we would just follow the instruction of God’s Word we would be much more at peace and more joyful in our homes. Marriage was God’s idea – He knows how to make it the best for everyone.

As women have talked to me about their marriages it seems that the major complaint is one of not being considered, sometimes they believe their husbands live separate from them though they share a house and a bed.  Things started off well for most of them but over the years there has been a drifting, an emotional and spiritual separation that seems to grow farther apart over time. The lingering question seems to be, “How can I fix it?” 

The deisre to “fix” it is a good sign but often these women have not considered God’s instructions.  There is a deep resentment or bitterness that has been festering for long enough to make the heart hard toward their mate. Resentment and bitterness can make a marriage hard work and  difficult to get back to God’s standard.  I would challenge that wife to think about Martin Luther’s admonition.   Is her husband glad to come home?  For all of us, are we sorry to see our husband’s leave? 

In Colossians 3 we are given some pretty clear instructions that, if followed, could be a giant step toward healing past wounds.  It says that we are to “Take off anger, rage, malice, slander, and obscene talk from our mouths (verse 8).”  But, it doesn’t stop there.  Verse 12 tells us to “Put on then, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience.”  Wow, how would our husbands respond if we suddenly became humble, kind, and patient?  The instructions in verses 13 and 14 could be even more life- (or marriage-) changing: “bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.  And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.”

This is a challenge, especially if you have a husband who doesn’t show any of these qualities to you.  Someone has to take the first step to restore a broken marriage.  It will not happen in a hurry.  It will require patience and perseverance, forgiveness and love.  We have to decide how important our marriages are. Do we take our original vows seriously?  Are we willing to make the effort even if he does not respond right away?

The Bible instructs both husbands and wives.  Here are just a few of those instructions for wives:

Ephesians 5:22, Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.

Ephesians 5:24,  Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

Titus 3:11, Their wives likewise must be dignified, not slanderers, but sober-minded, faithful in all things.

Colossians 3:18, Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.

Titus 2:4, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children

(I am addressing mostly women so that has been my emphasis.  There are many verses that speak to the husband’s responsibilitites. I have listed some of them at the bottom of the post.)

For those of us who have been married a long time old habits – and worse, old resentments – can be hard to overcome.  It will require the power of the Holy Spirit.  We need to listen to the words that come out of our mouths and hear them as they would be received by our husbands. The book of Proverbs gives men this warning: It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife. Proverbs 21:9

The Bible also commends the good wife, the one who loves her husband and is not quarrelsome.  Proverbs 31:10 says:  An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels.  

You and I have to decide if we want a husband who wishes he could live on the roof or one who considers us a precious jewel.

I am in no way letting men off the hook here.  It takes two to make a marrige good.  Most men want that as much as their wives do.  There are many women who are in physically and emotionally abusive marriages.  If that’s you, seek assistance, what you are able to “put on” may not make much difference without outside intervention.  This is a website that may be of help: http://www.leslievernick.com/pdfs/Relationship test.pdf 

However, most people I have talked to are just slogging along in mediocre marriages when they could have God’s best.  A woman cannot “fix” her husband  but she can “put on” forgiveness and work at making her home a place where her husband is glad to come.  With prayer and practice it may not be long before that wife is sorry to see her husband leave.  

These are some of  the Bible’s instructions to husbands:

Ephesians 5:28  In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.

Colossians 3:19  Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.

1Peter 3:7  Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.