Helicopter Parenting

And he said to them, “Truly, I say to you, there is no one who has left house or wife or brothers or parents or children, for the sake of the kingdom of God,  who will not receive many times more in this time, and in the age to come eternal life.” Luke 18:29-30

When my daughter graduated from college she took a job as an admissions counselor for a Christian college (so she could stay close to her fiancé who had a semester to finish). She came home with stories of freshman in college who would set an appointment to come in and schedule their classes. As she started to point out the options some of them would stop her, dial the phone and hand it to her saying, “Here, you need to ask my Mom.” She called them “helicopter parents”.

These young people were so used to their hovering parents making all their decisions that they could not even make their own choices about what classes to take, even with the guidance of an admissions counselor.

Much (though not all) of our culture approves of “helicopter parenting” but I have great concerns about how this kind of upbringing is affecting the next generation and their ability to live responsible adult lives.

The concerns I have are especially relevant to a generation of young women who have been reared in a culture that approves of parents buffering them from consequences of bad choices and relieving any possible pain before it hits. These practices have given us a generation of people who always consider themselves more important than anyone else because it’s been true for them since birth!

Like all mothers, I always hated watching my kids go through difficult or painful times. My own parents allowed my siblings and me to go through most  of it. If we forgot a term paper or our lunch at home, no one brought it to school so we could avoid the consequences. If we weren’t where we said we would be when they came to pick us up from an event, we walked home. (It was a small town, this wasn’t that big of a deal!) If we got in trouble in school, they encouraged discipline from the teacher or principle.

My parents stressed how much we would learn and grow from these difficult experiences. My mother often reminded us that we would be better able to understand someone else’s pain.

At a conference on marriage I heard the testimony of a man who was separated from his wife because of physical abuse. He was asked if his father had been an abuser. He said the truth was that his upbringing had been good and, though he did not blame his mother, he said she never let him fall. He was hovered over and never had to do anything he didn’t really want to do. Mom did it all.

As he and his wife had children and the expectations on him increased, he became violent with her.  He was a product of a “loving” mother. She “loved” him so much another woman can’t do enough to please him. He was working on it, and had been for two years. He had had such a comfortable childhood that he did not like the inconvenience of his wife, children, and adult responsibilities.

I do completely understand the heart of a parent that hates to watch the pain of their children. Jesus said, “In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33) If we keep our kids from every pain or consequence of their behavior, will they ever want Jesus to overcome for them?

We have a generation of young people so dependent on someone else to take care of their problems they are not only failing to step up and take care of their adult responsibilities, when they have trouble they don’t think first of turning to Jesus for direction and help. They are calling Mom and Dad who are often right there waiting for the next opportunity to help.

No offense Mom and Dad, but we are just not able to help as He is able.