Merry (Next) Christmas

 

 

What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask.  (James 4:1-2)

 

I love my family’s Christmas celebrations! It’s great fun for me to see everyone and have them all under one roof for a day. Family, food, and fun all wrapped up in a celebration of faith in the birth of my Savior! I enjoy seeing how the next generation relates to others in the family and hearing how happy they are to see each other. I hope that the traditions of Christmas gatherings will live on for them, too.

These festive occasions aren’t all that fun for every family. This Christmas I got to witness the heartbreak of a family in conflict. Mom and (adult) child were “on the outs”. Interestingly, both sides seem to be in a protective mode, they just don’t want to be hurt again. Neither could really explain what the other had done to get them to this point and there were plenty of wounds to go around. I am not privileged to all the details so I can’t point a finger of blame (as if I wanted to). What I know is that everyone was in pain over it and it was a history, not just an incident.

As James said, everyone wants something that they don’t get and that makes them want to fight. Our desires to have things go our way causes us to envy or want what others have but perhaps what was not intended for us. Because we don’t get it James says we murder. (Remember that Jesus equates being angry and calling a brother a name as equal to murder at judgment.)

I look at these situations, this is certainly not the first family quarrel I’ve ever heard about, and think someone has to give in, someone has to take the first step toward reconciliation for there to be peace in the family. Someone has to be the one to overlook a slight or a cross word. In the Bible we’re commanded to forgive – not when they apologize or come begging us for it, but when we realize the wrong. This is for our good as well as the good of the one we forgive, especially family

Hearts full of pride lead to harsh words, angry looks, unforgiveness, and bad behavior. Add it all together and you end up with troubled relationships. They make Christmas difficult for the entire family and take an emotional toll on those directly involved.

Please, let’s each consider our own relationships. Is there any portion of the broken one that we can own up to, apologize for and start the ball rolling toward reconciliation? How about getting the ball rolling even if there’s nothing we can own up to? Who will step up, humble themselves before the Lord and their family, and speak the first words of grace to the other? It isn’t important to God if you are the one who did it last time. Jesus told the disciples that they were to forgive seventy times seven if that’s what they needed to do!

I’ll be praying for this family that I know about to have a Merry Christmas next year. At this point that’s all I can do.

What could you do for your family relationships so next year is merrier for them?