One Way To Protect Your Marriage
“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” Ephesians 5:31
I have recently heard two tragic stories of marriages gone bad. They, along with some studying about what the Bible has to say about sex in marriage, have prompted the writing of this post.
The stories I heard this week are from Grandmothers grieving for their children and grandchildren because the parents’ are separating or divorcing. The loss of the “child in-law” is hard enough but as these ladies related what the children go through it was heartbreaking. The world wants us to believe that divorce does not hurt children. The truth is that kids are scarred for life by divorce. The effects are seen in their own adult relationships.
SO, if you are in the early years of your marriage, I beg you to protect your marriage! Divorce is as painful for the couple as it is for their children. There is a sense of failure even if there are no children. We promise “till death do us part”. When it ends before that most people suffer from some sort of guilt or feeling of failure.
The Bible instructs husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the Church. Christ laid down His life for the Church. There is a heavy load put on the man in marriage. He is to be the leader in preserving the marriage. He is to love his wife, protect his wife, and provide for his family. But, because my readers are mostly women, I am going to address the wives.
How hard are we working at keeping our marriages alive and well? Women today want to work full time to help pay the bills (or they feel they must), they want to have every child involved in many sports and activities, we want 4000 square feet of living space that has to be cleaned, kept up and managed, and we want a loving husband who will lavish us with love and attention while we treat him like another source of transportation for the kids. What is wrong with this picture? What does it say about our priorities?
The Biblical instructions for a wife include being a helpmate for her husband, respecting him (Ephesians 5:33), and submitting to his leadership in the family. He is to be her priority. I guess to some these sound demeaning to the wife, but in fact, these Biblical instructions are for her protection. According to God we are the weaker vessel (1 Peter 3:7) and our husbands are supposed to live with us in an understanding way. According to this verse any man who does not live with his wife with this kind of love and respect hinders his own prayers.
What I have learned as I have studied sex in marriage this week is that it is sometimes absent in marriage for various reasons – usually the wife’s. Men have a physical need for sex. If a Christian woman wants to honor her husband and honor God in her marriage she will be a willing partner for her husband. It is a protection of our marriages. Though we are not responsible for how a man deals with the lack of sex in his life we can be a huge help to him by giving him no reason to fall into temptation somewhere else. If you haven’t noticed there are half naked women everywhere a man turns in our world today – they tempt him.
If we want to help our men be spiritually pure, if we want them to put our needs and the needs of our children first, if we want him to be glad to come home at night, we need to meet his needs.
I am not discounting the fact that every wife wants a husband to love her, touch her more than in sexual encounters, and help her as she helps him. I am not saying if he demands it that we must never say no. I would expect mutual respect and consideration in the bedroom as well as the rest of the relationship. Every man needs to understand that sex starts outside of the bedroom. An exhausted woman isn’t thinking about sex when her head hits the pillow.
Women, will you take a look at your marriage? Where are you spending all your time and energy? Is there any evidence in your life that your husband is a top priority? Does he know if you are overwhelmed or over tired? Have you set aside some time just for the two of you?
In a healthy marriage the most important relationships are between the husband and God and the wife and God, then the relationship between the husband and wife. The relationship between parents and children will fall into place if the first ones are right.
Security and confidence is fostered in children raised in healthy marriages having the right priorities. Ladies, if we love God, our husbands, and our children, we should love them in that order. With a husband, we need to show it physically as well as emotionally. “No” may sometimes be a valid response – “never” is not. Consider it protection of your marriage.
This article reminds me of a couple childhood episodes that startled me (in a good way). I was quite small and in a conversation with my mother she mentioned, casually, “…well, I’ll be lying by your father’s side in my grave one day…” I cannot remember why she said that, only that it shook up my little psyche to think of my parents dead and how easy-going, matter-of-fact she was in saying it. Almost pleasantly. I came to be soothed by it because, she reinforced their unshakable union — to the ground!
The other memory was of my father, in paternal correction of a rude son, picked my brother up by the collar, pinned him to the wall and declared, eyeball to eyeball, quite firmly, “Never speak to my wife that way again.” Our dad’s first instinct to protect his wife — secondarily our mother — was a very clear and unambiguous declaration to me and my brothers. Another family grounding moment.
Thanks for these Terry. What a gift in the example your parents set for marriage! I wish there were more like them today.