Peace With All

 

An old friend contacted me today. We started on facebook and went to the phone where the conversation could be more personal and take less time (believe it or not, I talk with more agility than I type!).

I realized when I heard her voice that this was not a good day for her. She was grieving a seven-year-old rift in her family. Her mother is elderly and requiring help and cooperation between siblings and there is a long-standing problem that won’t go away. She and a brother as well as their spouses are the primary players but the mother and two sisters are also caught in the middle right now.

Seven years ago, right after the offensive action, the guilty party made the necessary apologies. The problem and the apologies were between in-laws. Now, the siblings are left with the aftermath of unforgiveness. My friend feels that she has offered all she can to resolve the problems and that others are unwilling to receive any effort at reconciliation. She continues to be punished for the sins of others. By my reckoning, it seems that the sin is unforgiveness. My friend has forgiven the guilty party and has extended her hand in fellowship to those who were offended. What she has gotten in response has been heartbreaking.

In God’s goodness to us He has told us that we are to forgive because that’s what is best for us. We will be forgiven as we forgive others. Matthew 6:14-15 says, “For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” Take a minute to think about the ramifications of that for each one of us!

So, what does one do when she has forgiven but not been forgiven in return? Indeed, this is my friend’s position. It is a hard one for her and for her mother and siblings, and even their spouses. The sin of one person affects many others. The sin of unforgiveness in response affects even more.

This family all claims to love God. Clearly, He is not first in all of their lives. If He were, they would not keep this rift but seek reconciliation (see Matthew 18: 15-20). I could understand even a compromise between the two involved in the initial situation to be at family gatherings but keep their distance for the sake of the rest of the family. If you don’t want your children affected, don’t leave them alone with the other. All this has been refused.

The first verses that came to mind as I was talking to my friend were Romans 12:18-19, “If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, ’Vengeance is mine, I will repay,’ says the Lord.”

“All” includes family. So does, “as far as it depends on you.” When we have done all we can to keep or make the peace within our families or circle of friends then we have to leave the rest in God’s hands.

In this case my friend is crying out for reconciliation. She doesn’t want God to take revenge. She wants her brother back. As far as it depends on her it sounds to me like she’s done all she can. The ball is not in her court anymore.

If there is no forgiveness, God will keep His promise. She will not get a say in God’s response. He may have mercy and bring her brother and his family to forgive. If they continue to refuse He may not forgive them for their sins.

I don’t know the others involved. But, I do know the nature of man and not being forgiven for sin is the scariest thing in the Bible because we all have the same problem in our lives. “All have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God”, Romans 3:23. It takes real pride to fall into the trap of unforgiveness because it indicates that you think another’s sin is greater than your own – and as we know, pride is just another whole mess in itself.

 

How are things between you and your family and friends? As far as it is up to you and me, are we living at peace with all? Who do we need to forgive for a sin against us so God will forgive us for our sin against Him?