Perfect Harmony in Marriage
Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. Ephesians 4:29
Young woman I overheard in a conversation in a church kitchen: “It’s not good for my marriage.” Me (stepping into a conversation I was not a part of): “What is it that you don’t do because it’s bad for your marriage?” Her: “Go out with the girls and complain about my husband, it’s bad for my marriage.”
She went back to her conversation trying to set a date for the girls to go out, apparently not to talk about their husbands as the other woman’s husband had suggested.
As I thought about this conversation I was impressed with the example this young woman was setting for her peers. The other couple was recently married. What a great start would it be to a marriage to decide that other people don’t need to hear about every time he makes a mistake in the kitchen, buys the wrong gift, or leaves his underwear laying around? How secure would a man feel in a marriage knowing his wife was committed to keeping her complaints inside the marriage rather than complaining to her friends?
The Bible teaches that a good wife is a gift. Proverbs 12:4 says, “An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who brings shame is like rottenness in his bones.” This woman who is a crown to her husband is one who is faithful, submissive, and honors her husband in ways that teach her children and others to do the same. The one who brings rottenness to his bones is one who is always complaining and often to someone who has no need to know.
Proverbs 19:14 says, “House and wealth are inherited from fathers, but a prudent wife is from the LORD.” We get a lot from family in this life, but this verse says a prudent wife (which is a wife who makes the best of all God has given her) is a gift from God. She is one who will even make the most of her husband’s shortcomings (if he has any). She is not a wife who will be quarrelsome as 19:13 describes as a “continual dripping of rain.”
In his letter to the Colossians Paul writes to them all that they need to relate to one another without prejudice. He says, “Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.” Colossians 3:12-14.
If we are to treat all Christians this way, shouldn’t our husbands rank at the top of the list not to complain about…and to show compassion, kindness, and humility to? Should we not be more willing to forgive them than anyone else we associate with? Then, bind all of that together with love, and live in perfect harmony (3:14). What woman doesn’t want perfect harmony in her marriage?
That harmony can start with us when we stop complaining about our husbands and start remembering why we love them and married them in the first place. I do understand that there are abusive men out there who seriously mistreat their wives (these women need to go to the proper authorities), but in most cases when women complain to their friends it isn’t about abuse. It is the stuff of daily living.
The next time you are tempted to complain to your friends about your husband will you remember that you are making a decision to do something that is not good for your marriage? It is not loving and it will not produce perfect harmony. Maybe, at that moment you could decide to overlook it, forgive, and go home to him and do things that create perfect harmony in marriage. He’ll love you all the more for it.