Pop’s Advice for Happy Children

My Father-in-law, “Pop,” was a great guy. (That’s him with my daughter in the picture.)

 

I can still see him sitting with me on the steps of our front porch shortly after we were married. He was lamenting having lost my husband’s mother at a young age. She had died at the age of forty-eight of a heart problem.

 

What he told me that day was that he felt like he had lost a big part of her many years earlier. They had traveled for his work early in their marriage and must have had a blast as they saw the sights and met new people. They made friends everywhere they went. Even at home, they had an active social life, enjoying each other and their friends.

Then their children were born.

He said she still loved him but she adored the children. They still had parties and kept up their friendships – they were all having children, too. The whole family has fond memories of many gatherings, kids and adults having a parties and picnics, fun for all ages.

At home, within their own small family, the kids came first. She died as my husband and his sister were about to leave home.  Pop had really been looking forward to the empty nest phase of life… and getting his wife back.  But that never happened.

Pop did my husband and me a big favor that day. When we had our own children I also adored my kids, doesn’t every mother? But, I was aware of the devastating effect that prioritizing children can have on a marriage. I saw what I was doing (and I was doing it) pretty early in the lives of my children.

Because of that conversation with my father-in-law I made a conscious effort to put my husband first. I know I didn’t do it perfectly, I know that for a time in our lives my children were little idols for me. In His grace, God brought it to my attention by reminding me of this conversation many years earlier.

So, my husband’s mother adored him, but apparently, so did his Dad. As I look back and think about that conversation I realize that Pop was not just complaining about his past, he was warning me for our future, “Don’t do this to your husband!”

A happy marriage is a great big umbrella of peace, joy, and security for children.  Moms, do your young children know the security that comes from a strong marriage?  Grandmothers, do your daughters (and daughters –in-law) know the importance of putting their husbands first?

The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life. Proverbs 31:11-12