Respectful Reasoning or Silent Sabotage

However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. Ephesians 5:33

 

My mother’s advice when I got married:  “Don’t start doing anything now that you don’t want to be doing ten years from now.”  Wise advice.

I applied it in some small ways having to do with laundry initially. Over the years, it has given me the strength to say no to other things when necessary.

My husband and I have learned that our relationship is best when we do what we agree on and not what one has decreed to the other.  We have disagreed with each other and made compromises for each other throughout our marriage.

I have talked to many women who have been unwilling to make their feelings known about issues in their marriage.  A misunderstanding of biblical submission is blamed on men, but I also think that many times women don’t speak up because they don’t think they should or that it would displease God if they did.

We have lost the concept that we are our husband’s helpmates. Sometimes that may mean we need to, respectfully, suggest that something is not wise (or it’s sinful), or that he’s being too soft or too harsh, or maybe that he’s wasting time, etc. We should also be their encouragers.

My current concern came from a conversation about a young man and his obsession with video games.  It seems like a minor issue, but going into marriage with a man who spends the majority of his time with a controller in his hand is setting a marriage up for failure.

Two verses to consider: Genesis 2:24, Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. The other is Deuteronomy 24:5, When a man is newly married, he shall not go out with the army or be liable for any other public duty. He shall be free at home one year to be happy with his wife whom he has taken.

God wants a new husband to “hold fast” to his wife and for them to have a year of togetherness so that they can be happy.

The first year is a critical time to get to know each other before the kids come along.

God also says women are to respect their husbands.  How hard is it to respect a man who does little but play games when he’s at home?

Ladies, if you see this, or other issues, speak up, preferably before the wedding. Often women hold these complaints to keep the peace. When we do that, we will still be doing it ten years from now.

The writer of Hebrews instructs us to let marriage be held in honor among all. If we honor God’s plan for marriage as the structure of the family, and families as the structure of society, then we must do all we can in our marriages to keep them honorable. A husband and father who sits in front of video games without regard for his wife’s feelings, or the work required for a family, is not loving his wife or honoring his marriage.

A woman who remains silent and expects her husband to know what the problem is needs to decide if she would rather reason with her husband for the sake of her marriage, or sabotage it with silence.