Respecting Our Children

 

The righteous who walks in his integrity– blessed are his children after him. Proverbs 20:7

 

 

Humility

I heard a lady in her fifties apologize to a seven year old. The apology to the unrelated child was for something that had happened earlier in the week.  The woman humbled herself to apologize for hurting the child’s feeling even though her actions had not been intended to hurt.

The child accepted the apology and left standing a little taller.

When the incident happened the little girl was already unhappy because her Mother had said they needed to leave the party. The little girl was disappointed. The older woman, not knowing this, tried to play with her in a way that surprised the little girl, and hurt her.

The look on the girl’s face let the woman know that her playfulness had not been well received.

Respectability

Sometimes we forget that children have feelings and understanding that are as real as any adult’s. Current parenting trends encourage us to cheer on a child with, “good job,” and “you got this,” when we, and they, know they are not doing well and they do not have the skill required at all.

We are being taught, by observation if not by direct teaching of some expert, to cajole and negotiate when we want something done. Especially small children will respond and learn better from a more direct approach. Such as, “If you do A, then B will happen. If you do not do A, then C will happen.” B and C need to clearly indicate which is the better choice.

Consequences are the best teachers any small child will ever know. Reasoning with a two or three year old rarely ends with any real understanding on the child’s part.

Consistency

The “key,” of course, to the  A, B, C method is consistency. If we say, ”If you do A there is a special treat,” then there has to be a special treat. If we say, “Failing to do A will result in unpleasant consequences,” (anything from a spanking to not getting to do something they really want to), we must follow through.

This is not new or trail blazing stuff. It is respectful of the child. When we fail to follow through, we send a message that says, 1. We are not true to our word and so you cannot trust us, and 2. I don’t believe you can do this on your own.

Children respond to respect like adults. They like it and rise to meet the expectation.

Ephesians  6:4, “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”

There is nothing more aggravating and disrespectful  than being lied to about our strengths and weaknesses  or having someone assume we are incapable of understanding something we already know.

Like this older woman demonstrated to this little girl, we have to model what we want our children to live.

What are you and I modeling to our children and grandchildren? Will our examples cause them to grow, learn, and benefit from them, or will they cause them to blame shift, manipulate, and disrespect others as was done to them?