5 Responses to Unforgiveness

If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.            Romans 12:18

 

Hindsight is 20/20. She had done it, it was stupid, and she knew it. She apologized.

Apology not accepted.

Oh my goodness. How can that be? A Christian woman sincerely apologizes to another Christian and the apology falls on deaf ears. Does he not trust her, afraid to be hurt again? Had there been previous apologies that proved to be meaningless? Was this the final straw? He was not disclosing why he would not forgive, just that he would not.

Living with the unforgiveness of another can be a difficult consequence to face. I was recently asked, “What can I do? How can I convince him that I am sorry?”

The short answer is, “You can’t.” God is the only one who can change a heart.

So, what can we do when we are unforgiven by another?

1. As far as it depends on us, live at peace with all. (Romans 12:18). What this may mean in the realm of being unforgiven is that we apologize and we wait….quietly. Our gut instinct is often to tell everyone who will listen, “I said I was sorry, he refuses to forgive me.” “He is such a jerk.” “Can’t he see how sorry I am, how hard I am trying to make things right,” etc.? It’s as if we are in a war and we want friends and family to choose sides. This does not produce peace.
2. Look at the issue from the other perspective. How badly did we hurt him/her? If what we have done really was painful it may take time to come to the point that forgiveness is possible. If there is a history of other pain coming from us, the other person may be in protective mode and have to settle in his own heart how God would have him respond. He/she may be so hurt that forgiveness is still very difficult.
3. Remember God’s faithfulness. Even when men let us down, God is pleased when we honor Him with our actions. Seeking forgiveness is His command. Not gossiping about it will also keep us right before God. Please Him first and allow Him to take care of the unforgiving person.
4. Accept that you cannot change another person. Leave him alone. If you have to be in his presence because of family or work, don’t force him into conversations he is not ready to have. Allow him/her time. Accept that if you have apologized and sought his/her forgiveness (done as much as you can as it depends on you), he/she is responsible before God to forgive you. He will deal with him if he does not.
5. Pray for the relationship to be restored and you will be praying in the will of God. 2 Corinthians 13:11 says, “Finally, brothers, rejoice. Aim for restoration, comfort one another, agree with one another, live in peace; and the God of love and peace will be with you.” And pray for God to change his/her heart. He is the only one who can.