Ruminations of a Long-term Wife

It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house with a quarrelsome wife. Proverbs 21:9

A friend once told me that when she gets to heaven one of her first questions for the Lord will be, “Men, women, same house? Was that really Your plan?”

Though I do not question God’s plan for marriage or want to bash the men He has made, over the years I have had serious questions about some of my husband’s decisions. There have been several times when I have thought, “Really? That’s it, that’s what you are going to do about this?”

Let me tell you first that in our marriage my husband does  not see himself as the hammer and me as the nail. He seeks out my opinion on  most matters and often lets me win. His (our) general rule is that he or she who cares the most gets his/her way. Sometimes I have thought he didn’t understand how much I cared! But, he has also sacrificed his own agenda to support me in mine many times.

As I look back at the times I have questioned his handling of a specific situation I can see that my interpretation of his actions wasn’t always on target. I want to encourage other women to ride the tide with their husbands, try to understand his motives and his personality.

For 33 years I have lived with this man and wondered why he hadn’t been more confrontational with someone “I” thought needed to hear from us in no uncertain terms. I have questioned his silence, while he waited to see what God or the other person would do to rectify the matters at hand. He definitely has more patience than I do.

There have been times when he has acted quickly and with great resolve to right a wrong. I knew he was right in those situations where he did not hesitate to say the hard stuff.

What I so clearly see today is that my husband is full of grace. When he has exercised it with me I  like to call it love. When he has exercised it with others I have sometimes seen it as weakness. His gifts of patience, kindness, mercy, and grace are valuable to me when I am the beneficiary. They have (hopefully that stays in past tense) bothered me when he graced others with them.

Why is it that the very traits of our husbands that attracted us to them in the first place are not so attractive when they practice them on others?

My question for God when I get to heaven? “What took me so long to see what a gracious man I married?”