Sickening Pride

A man’s pride will bring him low, but the humble in spirit will retain honor.  Proverbs 29:23

Pride stinks.  Those aren’t the exact words the Bible uses but it clearly teaches that pride is an ugly sin in the people of God.  God hates it.  In the book of Mark Jesus says that pride is one of the things that defiles a man.  (Mark 7:20-23)

Pride is a funny thing.  It can be manifested in many different ways.  The Lord has been convicting me of one way that I have not wanted to see in myself.  I think of pride as bragging and arrogance, thinking that I am better than another person.  Over the years God has made it pretty clear that I am as sinful as the next person.  For this reason I have not thought I was being prideful. 

This past summer something went obviously wrong in my body.  I was having a great deal of pain in my shoulders and across the top of my back.  I thought it was related to some physical exercise so I went to the chiropractor.  He thought it was stress and it was a very stressful time in my life so I chalked it up to that. 

As the summer and the fall progressed so did the pain.  I was experiencing it from my shoulders to my knees, in joints and in muscles.  I was dreading going to bed because it was so hard to get up in the morning.  Back to the doctor.  The symptoms sounded like Lyme’s Disease but I didn’t have Lyme’s.  They pretty much told me they could tell me many things I did not have but had no idea what I did have.  At the peak I could only walk about one block before having to stop to ease the pain.  I am now able to go quite a distance. 

My family rallied round and did my lifting and kept my steps to a minimum.  There was no real relief until late November when our alternative practitioner thought he was on to something (apparently he was right) and over time I have improved greatly.  Not quite back to normal but the majority of the pain is gone and I can feel that recovery in on its way.  It’s been a total of 8 months. 

My family was aware – hard for them to miss it!  But, the pride comes in because I told almost no one else.  I didn’t think about it – which in a way makes it worse – I just didn’t talk about it.  That meant that I also hadn’t asked anyone to pray for me.  I prayed, I assume my family prayed, but out of my own pride I didn’t ask anyone else to pray.  It was as if I thought that I –  and the alternative practioner – could handle it without God. 

In January sometime the Lord really convicted me about this pride.  I do think that the stress over the summer was a part of my problem and I guess I didn’t think people needed to know the details.  What’s more, I thought that if they did hear details of what was causing the stress I couldn’t control how they thought about it.  Would they judge this as some sort of punishment?  Pride causes us to think deceptive thoughts.  I needed prayer but I wanted a good reputation among my brothers and sisters in Christ.  Spiritual pride – the worst kind!

Convicted by my lack of dependence on the Lord I started asking people to pray.  Our small group from church, my ladies’ Bible study members, some friends, and my elders started to pray for me to be healed. 

The progress since then is amazing.  I am not quite well but the pain is minimal compared to what it had been.  Unfortunately, the sin sickness called pride is still raging in my being.  I was prompted to write this post over a month ago.  I wouldn’t – it’s too public.  This week I just could not think of anything to write about.  I have tried.  God’s spirit is not letting me get away with not giving Him the glory for healing me to this point – and He will continue to get the glory as He continues to improve my symptoms.  He is the Great Physician. 

Though it’s hard to imagine that keeping an illness to myself was prideful I now understand that it was a lack of faith in God to make me well and a fear of man’s opinions.  I have been humbled by what God has done since His people have been praying.  I wonder how much pain I have suffered because of my pride. 

Why He is so compassionate and forgiving when I have been so stubborn and prideful I may never truly understand.  What I do know is that that is who He is and how He treats His people. 

“Now I, Nebuchadnezzar, praise and extol and honor the King of heaven, all of whose works are truth, and His ways justice.  And those who walk in pride He is able to put down.”  Daniel 4:37 

Take James’ advice from James 5:13-15, “Is anyone among you suffering? Let him pray.  Is anyone cheerful? Let him sing psalms.  Is anyone among you sick? Let him call for the elders of the church, and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord.   And the prayer of faith will save the sick, and the Lord will raise him up.  And if he has committed sins, he will be forgiven.”  (emphasis is mine!).

As the Lord reminds you, will you pray for my complete recovery?