Surrendering Anger

 

Be angry, and do not sin; ponder in your own hearts on your beds, and be silent. Selah. Psalm 4:4

It seems that anger is overtaking our culture. So many times I have read articles or heard stories of people who have been hurt and even killed as a consequence of someone else’s anger. It seems we have even added phrases to our vocabulary to cover it, “road rage”, “aggressive drivers”, “going postal”, “spousal abuse”.

My question is how does a person get that angry? Are the offenses against them so frequent that they get no relief from one emotional bashing before the next anger provoking offense hits them? And, would that justify the anger being displayed in action against another?

From the Christian perspective when we have been wronged, even if it’s over and over again, what is our response to be? I battle with not letting sin go so we should confront the wrongdoer or forgiving the one that sins against us, “while I am still praying.” Mark 11:25 says, “And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.”

So, if we want our sins forgiven we are to forgive others. No qualifiers. This is obviously for our own good – so we can be forgiven.

I think that most anger comes from unresolved pain inflicted by another. We don’t know what to do with the pain so we get angry. It seems to be a release but usually the anger subsides and the pain is still there….or another source of pain comes and hits us anew.

I have come to the conclusion that most of the time we can get away from those who repeatedly cause us pain. We can leave jobs with cruel bosses, we can put distance between ourselves and those who are not trustworthy. Family is a little harder when someone is a regular source of pain or offense, but even with them we can choose to keep a certain distance. Spouses who become toxic over time are a whole other story and not what I’m dealing with here.

When I think of Jesus as He was being betrayed, beaten, and ultimately crucified, I know that would have made me mad. He said nothing. He recognized God’s plan and knew that He had come to do His Father’s will. If that included betrayal and beating He would go through it. What is the angry American Christian of 2010 to do with that? Do we want to be like Christ or is it just something we say?

“Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil.” Ephesians 4:26-27. When we are angry we are prone to sin. This verse implies that it’s possible to be angry and not sin but it also implies that the devil will use our anger to tempt us to sin. It’s easy to fall into sin if we think we need to defend ourselves against another or if we feel some need for vengeance because of our anger. Satan would love to keep us there, especially if the anger is against a brother or sister in the Lord.

SO, this past weekend as I was reading Nancy Leigh DeMoss’s book called “Surrender” I thought this is what we don’t do. In anger we feel entitled to our feelings and so we move past acceptable anger to the need to defend ourselves as if God won’t. Or we want to take revenge as if we know better than God what needs to be done. Sometimes we “vent” on someone else hoping to relieve the pain and end up in the sin of gossip and/or slander. We fall into malice – hoping for harm against another.

Surrender is a discipline for the Christian. An example in the Bible would be David when he was running from Saul in the wilderness. Saul was trying to kill David and everyone knew it. David had two opportunities to kill Saul and would not “put out his hand against the Lord’s anointed.” because Saul was God’s chosen King. David waited for God to remove this threat. He surrendered his need for revenge and allowed God to work in HIS time.

When I hear some of the reasons that people are angry with others I understand why. They have been truly wronged by another. Sometimes I think it’s an accumulation of some little things that could have been better resolved one at a time as they happened.  But  people can be mean, thoughtless, or only interested in their own desires.

Sometimes we just need to surrender the big ones to the Lord. He is the One who knows the other person’s heart. If we are His children and we are wronged – He is trustworthy and just. He will repay. We may not see it or know about it. It is a matter of trusting God to do what He says He will do.

Romans 12:19, ” Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.”

In Psalm 4:4 God tells us to be angry but not to sin. He also tells us to ponder in our own hearts and to be silent. We must ponder what is righteous before we respond to anyone in anger. Often it will be better to be silent.

In his commentary “Notes on the Bible” Albert Barnes says, “No man sins by “restraining” his anger: no man is certain that he will not who indulges it for a moment.”

Surrendering anger, allowing God to take care of us and those who we are angry with, seems to be the only course that will surely get us to the point that we can “be angry but do not sin.”