“For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. Matthew 6:14-15
I had a sad conversation with a friend who is living with the pain of unforgiveness, not her own but that another woman would not forgive her for what was a relatively minor offense (at least in her and my opinions).
The Lord has a lot to say about unforgiveness. He has taught us to pray that He would forgive us as we forgive others (Matthew 6:12). That’s a scary prayer if you are a person who holds grudges.
I tried to put myself in the place of the unforgiving one and realized that it requires humility to be forgiving. In the Parable of the Unforgiving Servant (Matthew 18:21-35) the Lord makes it very clear that as He has forgiven us, He expects us to show that same forgiveness to others.
One truth in this parable is that God has forgiven the Christian for far greater sin than most of us will ever experience from someone else. It is a prideful thing to think that we are worthy of God’s forgiveness but others are not worthy of ours. It is difficult to hear but true that we are sinning when we fail to forgive a repentant person.
As the one “unforgiven” by a friend or family member, we must examine ourselves and ask if we have asked their forgiveness, made restitution if necessary, and sought the forgiveness of God if there was sin. Once we have done that, we have to move forward with a clean conscience. 1 John 1:9 assures us, “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”
Of course, this does not guarantee that the one who fails to forgive will change her/his mind. Biblically, it seems that one reason for unforgiveness is a “root of bitterness.” Acts 8:23 says that bitterness can act as a poison and Hebrews 12:15 says it causes trouble. Ephesians 4 says we are to put it away.
In my friend’s case, as is often true, I only heard one side of the story but she has always been a trustworthy person so I believe her. What I saw that got my attention is the pain that is being experienced because of unforgiveness. It is not just one person suffering, several are reaping the fallout.
How about us? Is there some unforgiveness, some bitterness about a person or situation that we should forgive and reconcile our differences (even if we still need to keep our distance)? It is a sobering thought to think of how many times we have prayed the Lord’s Prayer asking God, “Forgive me as I have forgiven others.”
Consider Mark 11:25, “And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses.”