And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.  Hebrews 10:24-25

I recently met with an old friend who I rarely get to see. It was great to catch with the events of her life and hear how her family is doing. With her the conversation always goes to spiritual things – but this day she was frustrated with her church.

I knew she had changed churches a couple of years ago and I was eager to hear how her transition had gone from the old to the new. I was disappointed to hear that she now knows only those people she had known when she got there.  She was telling me how warm and friendly the congregation is on Sundays – but there is not any real fellowship going on outside the building.

I have been thinking about her disappointment since we talked.  It has made me wonder what our responsibility is and what the church’s or even other people’s responsibilities are.  In our technological society has hospitality become rare and “reaching out” been relegated to an email that thanks a new person for visiting?

As I was contemplating what I had read in Mr. Cymbala and Mr. Merrill’s book, “Fresh Power” about disunity and divisions in the church what struck me was my own responsibility in promoting unity.  Unity seems like it needs to start with relationships.  Do we expect others to do all the reaching out while we sit back and wait for the invitations to come to us?  Are we willing to open our own homes for times of fellowship, Bible study, or recreation with others in our churches?  As an older woman am I teaching the younger women – one at a time or in a class?  If you are a younger woman – are you looking for an older woman who can share some wisdom with you?

Likewise, I have been wondering if my friend is taking any initiative to build relationships in her new(ish) church.  Is it all someone else’s responsibility?  If the church is not organizing fellowship events so the people get to know each other should we be inviting others into our own homes and practicing hospitality as the Bible tells us to do?  (Romans 12:13). 

Being the new person is never a comfortable position to be in but there are many ways to get to know people in our churches.  Work side by side, study in a group Bible Study, go to Sunday School and not just the worship service, show up for fellowship events that are planned for you, or practice some “one on one” practical ministry to someone in need in the congregation.  I can’t even imagine the joy of a Pastor when someone comes and says, “How can I help and get to know people around here?”

Jesus gave a specific command that we are to love one another.  He will not hold us responsible for how others in the church obey this commanad but we are fully responsible for how we obey it. Before we leave a church because we aren’t finding the people friendly or we aren’t getting to know anyone we need to answer this difficult question: Is it the church or is it me?