The Blame Game: Counselor vs Counselee

 

Lessons I learned as a probation/Parole Officer:
1). If an individual is not motivated to change, it really doesn’t matter whom you assign to “rehabilitate” them.
2). We give man too much credit when we credit to them change in other people.

 

• A Probation/Parole officer for the criminal.
• An assigned accountability partner for the Christian man trapped in                      pornography.
• A counselor for the emotionally or physically abusive person.
• Mentoring for a woman who wants out of her marriage.
• Pastoral counseling for any or all of the above.

All of these are worthy callings and effective for the man or woman seeking to change from the heart. Sadly, not everyone wants to change.

Recently I have heard about several different people blaming the “counselor” because they did not see behavioral changes they were hoping for from the person being counseled. As if the “counselor” can make a person change. Real change comes from an internal desire of the heart, not external pressure applied by another.

Think about Moses during the Exodus from Egypt. God repeatedly sent him to see Pharaoh. Initially Pharaoh asked for miracles and God enabled Moses and Aaron to do a miracle. His heart was hard and he dismissed them in spite of it.

The Lord sends them back to warn Pharaoh what will happen if he does not let God’s people go. God sends one plague after another. Each time he is warned what will happen if he does not listen. His heart remains hard.

At God’s command Moses and Aaron continue to insist that he allow the Israelites to leave the land. Pharaoh refused because his heart was hardened and God would send another plague. They went through this ten times!

Exodus 7:13 says, “Still Pharaoh’s heart was hardened, and he would not listen to them, as the LORD had said.” Fifteen times in five chapters we read that Pharaoh’s heart was hard.

It also says that Moses and Aaron were doing just what God had told them to do. Exodus 7:6, 10, 20, and 12:28 all say that Moses and Aaron did just as the LORD commanded them. There was no problem with the counsel.

Moses and Aaron were God’s messengers to Pharaoh. God did not change Pharaoh’s heart.

God did not blame Moses and Aaron because Pharaoh didn’t change. His plan was perfect for establishing His people in the land when He wanted them to be there. It looks odd to us but God does what is just and right.

In the same way when the prophet Nathan confronted David about his sin with Bathsheba and David repents, Nathan is not credited for miraculously opening David’s eyes to his sin. 2 Samuel says that the Lord sent Nathan to David to confront him. In 2 Samuel 12:13 David is convicted and recognizes God’s hand, “I have sinned against the LORD.”

Nathan was God’s messenger to David. God changed David’s heart.

Anyone who ministers to others from a biblical standpoint is God’s messenger. God grants the repentance for those who turn from their sin. Sometimes He leaves a hard heart hard. He also says we are responsible for our own hard heart.

Pastors, counselors, accountability partners, even Probation/Parole Officers and Social Workers who use a biblical approach will be used of God. They will also experience hard hearts like Pharaoh’s.

It is the “counselors” job to offer counsel and point counselees to the Lord’s message…only He is powerful enough to change a heart.

And I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh. Ezekiel 36:26