The Sexting and Porn Problems

 

Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry. Colossians 3:5

 

There is a man who shows up in church every Sunday looking like a great husband and father as he enters with his family. During the week he is viewing pornography, ignoring his family, and hurting his wife. Multiply this by hundreds.

There is a teenage girl who regularly attends youth group at church, is in the National Honor Society at school, does volunteer work, and teaches small children during Vacation Bible School. Her full body nude picture is on Instagram having gotten there because she sent it via Snapchat to a “boy-friend” she may or may not know very well.

Neither of these people see the inconsistencies in their lives. I fear for both of them and the children they have or will have, for the wife who lives day in and day out afraid to tell anyone about the problems in her home because the advice she has received in the past is not helpful or maybe it was even harmful to her family.

The man I have heard about now from several different wives. The young girl I read about in “The Atlantic”, the story is also online here: http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2014/11/why-kids-sext/380798/. This article reports that between 40% and 60% of teenage girls with cell phones have posted at least partially nude pictures on the internet.  Parents: warn your teenaged boys that receiving those pictures onto their phones is to possess child-pornography. Even if they are under 18 – it is child porn on their phone and is illegal.

I discussed these issues with someone this afternoon who shed even more light on the depth of the depravity that hits a family when a man will not give it up. Wives and children are emotionally crippled – any man who thinks his wife and children will never know had better start to read about how rampant the problem is and how they reveal themselves over time.

So, I am sitting in a position where I hear about it first-hand but I am not directly dealing with it in my own marriage (I praise God for that).  I believe in the sovereignty of God. I know He knows. How does one help the victim – that is the wife – of a porn addict? She has already figured out she cannot fix him. He has to want to quit to quit. Should a wife be the “porn police”? The only other choice as I see it is to ask him to leave until he wants to be a husband and father. If her husband is a believer in the Lord Jesus Christ, he should want that too. The lesson I have learned over time is that if there are no consequences there will no change.

I am reminded that as Christians we are soldiers in the Lord’s army. He is quite capable of handling all this but we have to go into the battle ready to use “the sword of the Spirit”, the Word of God, to fight this war. And it is a war that is claiming the lives of many innocent women and children.

To be fair, I think it’s taking a lot of men by surprise. Every man thinks he is strong enough  to fight it. He’ll quit when he wants to. The apparent truth is that the images, once they have been seen, refuse to just go away. They are a constant source of temptation to look at more and then to do more.

I never thought much of the “Just say No” to drugs campaign but I am beginning to think that we have to teach that concept to little boys regarding pornography. We’re going to have to start a lot younger than any Mama wants to. The average age a boy first sees porn is 11 years old. That’s when he is introduced to it so he has to be hearing not to do it before that.

I fear for the next generation of Christian young men if this one refuses to get into the war and speak some truth to the young boys in their sphere of influence. Dads – this is a call to battle for your boys, for their marriages and for future grandchildren!

Moms, speak up if the father in your household is addicted – your children will see it eventually or they will know what their Dad is doing and they’ll imitate him or hate him.

Leaders in your churches, don’t provide cover for the men!  If a wife brings an allegation, please take it seriously.  “You need to love him more,” is not what a hurting woman needs to hear.  Neither is, “You can’t leave him or ask him to leave.”  These husbands are committing adultery and abusing their wives and their children just as surely as if they were beating them with a bat.

Christians are not immune to these problems. We must expose and discuss them. Allowing them to hide in the dark will bring no healing. Ephesians 5:11 instructs us, “Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them.”

The good news is that God is sovereign. We must talk about Him, too. He is the only solution for freeing anyone from this addiction.