What We Cannot Change We May Influence

 

“We cannot change our husband, wife, neighbor, employer, or anyone else, but we can, by God’s grace, change ourselves, and this is where our responsibility lies. R.J. Rushdoony

 

“How can I get my husband to understand that he is hurting the children?”                                 “What can I do to make my employer see how unfair he is to me?”

I believe the above statement by Rushdoony and even teach it. Many people, especially women, seem to want a magic wand to wave over those who are not doing the things they should in order to get them to obey.

The fact is that we have no power over other people. We have great power to change ourselves with the help and enabling of God through His Spirit in us.

There is an element of this truth that may seem fatalistic. Because we cannot change someone else, this statement makes it sound like I need to just step back and allow others to hurt me or watch them hurt others.

While studying James 5, verses 19-20 stood out. He says, “Brethren, if anyone among you wanders from the truth, and someone turns him back, let him know that he who turns a sinner from the error of his way will save a soul from death and cover a multitude of sins.”

In his letters to the Romans Paul says, “Now I myself am confident concerning you, my brethren, that you also are full of goodness, filled with all knowledge, able also to admonish one another (Romans 15:14).”

It is important to see from these verses (and others) that we do not just let sin go. We have a responsibility to speak the truth to our brothers and sisters in the Lord who are not being faithful to God or His Word.

Before we decide to speak into someone else’s life about their sin, we must “remove the plank from our own eye” so that we “will see clearly to remove the speck” from our brother’s eye (Matthew 7:3-5). One teacher said that we should be careful to correct only those under our jurisdiction.

In other words, a good wife will “help” her husband by speaking the truth about how his actions are affecting her or others. A godly mother will correct, teach, and discipline her children in the fear and instruction of the Lord. An employer or co-worker will need to address the issues in the workplace.

But, a random post on Facebook that “looks” sinful or indicates that someone we do not know is in sin, may need to be left for someone who knows all the facts,

Where we have responsibility and relationships, we need to speak up. This is no guarantee that any change will occur. Our responsibility is to be faithful to God’s Word in how we live and what we say. The other person’s response is between them and the Lord. We proceed accordingly.

Though it may sound defeatist to think we cannot change anyone, it is true. What is not true is that we can do nothing to promote the changes that will honor God and protect others. What we cannot change, we may still be able to influence.